wise
chicken
road
smile
sun
surf
sand
sky
green
eyes
diamonds
salt
eagle
business
running
fish
water
snort
salivate
epitaph
paradigm
Asia
Pooter
sweat
gym
gin
scarlet
happy
Vietnam
quite
lad
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
Jan 2, 2009
The new year is here. I am tired. Already? Yeah, already. Listen, we've got an opportunity here to do something great, to be someone great. 2009 means another chance to become the people we want to become. To work hard, play hard and GROW! I've written in my journal already, but I'll re-write it here (just for the record)- STOP BEING LAZY; it's time to grow up! It's time to wear collard shirts and carry a briefcase. It's time to work 8-10 hour days and build a life out of it. The way I see it, I have options. But those options can be squandered on lazy idleness or selfish pursuits. It's time to step up to the plate and perform this year; to be the people we were intended to be. So I think I'm ready. I hope my friends are willing to be ready too, but if they're not- so-be-it. I can make new friends who do want to grow up.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Christmas:
This Christmas was a challenge in more ways than one. First, my family is significantly different than I, primarily in the content of their thoughts. The way we think is similar- but not what we think about. Which makes for some challenging situations- like being around so many "niggers" and having someone look at you the wrong way merits a fight- trivial silliness. Second, DeRidder Louisiana is a tiny town where everything is closed by 9, except the small bar (which was just opened 8 months ago and is the hottest thing in town) which closes at midnight. Thirdly, my grandparents are in their 80's and my PawPaw, who I idolize, the once purple heart/silver star awarded marine who killed people and smiled about it and judo champion who could kick anyone's ass, is getting old. How sad it is for such a man to be debased into such childishness. It is the way life works, and he is still more man than 99% of the people I know. It just makes me sad. Fourthly, I was reading a lot and writing a ton and I was dealing with my own sinfulness and lack of connection with God. Fifthly, I was thinking heavily on the things I had accomplished or not accomplished at 27 and trying to develop a solid plan on how to get where I need to and want to be. I'm behind and I'm not sure when I'll catch up. Let me just tell you that the woman who can steal my heart will have to be pretty damn tough.
I am very seriously thinking of becoming catholic. But don't tell my protestant friends, they'll think I've lost it. And don't tell my family, they'll think I'm doing it to impress my heroic PawPaw. Truth be told, I think there is a lot of value to repeating prayers and saying the Rosary. The Spiritual disciplines of Augustine and Ignatius are to be commended, but in the protestant world we seem to shy away from the past and look only to the future. While there must be an important balance, the dessert fathers have a lot to teach us and we do a disservice to our selves and our posterity by rejecting their teachings.
I need to write more. Not that I think I am any good at it, but it helps me to clear my head. I think I wrote 25 pages in my journal by hand! It's been years since I wrote that much by hand. I spoke with an old friend who is living in DC and working in the political realm, and I am jealous. When i am done with my MA, I do think I will move out there and do something similar. But for the next year (assuming he likes what i have to give him) i am going to write for the company he edits for; to learn and grow in my abilities as a writer and commentator on our current cultural and economic state.
Happy new year people. Have fun and be safe.
I am very seriously thinking of becoming catholic. But don't tell my protestant friends, they'll think I've lost it. And don't tell my family, they'll think I'm doing it to impress my heroic PawPaw. Truth be told, I think there is a lot of value to repeating prayers and saying the Rosary. The Spiritual disciplines of Augustine and Ignatius are to be commended, but in the protestant world we seem to shy away from the past and look only to the future. While there must be an important balance, the dessert fathers have a lot to teach us and we do a disservice to our selves and our posterity by rejecting their teachings.
I need to write more. Not that I think I am any good at it, but it helps me to clear my head. I think I wrote 25 pages in my journal by hand! It's been years since I wrote that much by hand. I spoke with an old friend who is living in DC and working in the political realm, and I am jealous. When i am done with my MA, I do think I will move out there and do something similar. But for the next year (assuming he likes what i have to give him) i am going to write for the company he edits for; to learn and grow in my abilities as a writer and commentator on our current cultural and economic state.
Happy new year people. Have fun and be safe.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A quick note on revolution:
"Against the insidious wiles of foreign influence, (I conjure you to believe me fellow citizens) the jealousy of a free people ought to be constantly awake; since history and experience prove that foreign influence is one of the most baneful foes of Republican Government."
-George Washington, Farewell Address, September 19, 1796
In our pursuit of "progress" I am wondering if we haven't lost ourselves. Our new president (and please think logically about what I'm saying, I mean NO disrespect) built the most effective campaign of all time on marketing strategy and one slogan, "change".
"Better be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined by too confident security."
-Edmund Burke
Burke is considered the "father of conservatism" and his quotes resonate with me. Often I am chastised for having strong opinions and many conservatives are chastised in this day for "fear mongering". And yet it was Edmund Burke who was one of the strongest proponents of the American Revolution; and freedom, who reminds us that to be despised is OKAY. I wonder if the American Revolution would work today? If the people of this nation existed in the 1700's in equal proportions to the numbers of the "new world" and old England; would the revolution have been won, and the even bigger question, would it even be fought?
I will no longer support a nation that kills it's babies in the name of "choice". I will no longer support government social programs like public education and welfare and medical (in this state) as long as they exist to enable the lazy and reward those who learn the "system" and then live by it. Especially when that system is one that promotes socialism and humanist principles. I will no longer live to promote the false security created by "the greatest nation on Earth" when we give ourselves freely to foreign powers.
The Union Tribune had an editorial article on the Republican Party and this was the catch phrase, "Unless the Republican Party ends its self-imposed captivity to social fundamentalists, it will spend a long time in the political wilderness." So here we are. The democrats today are not the democrats of the 50's people. The liberal compromise of the Democrats was won them a seat in power, but the answer is not a watering down of values and morals and a reducing to another common denominator lower; the answer is vision.
We need a leader who can unify the country and build on freedom and history. The tradition of this country is strong, but it has been hijacked by a minority of people who have prostituted our values, morals, trade, and law. We need a leader who will stand on innovation and AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE. We need a leader who promotes personal responsibility for actions and requires accountability from elected and appointed officials. We need a leader who will promote prosperity through deregulation and free trade among Americans, lowering taxes and reducing the bureaucracy that our government has become.
I'm done with what America has become; we need change, but not to shirk the past, to embrace it. Where are the Edmund Burke's? The George Washington's? The Thomas Paine's? The John Adam's?
-George Washington, Farewell Address, September 19, 1796
In our pursuit of "progress" I am wondering if we haven't lost ourselves. Our new president (and please think logically about what I'm saying, I mean NO disrespect) built the most effective campaign of all time on marketing strategy and one slogan, "change".
"Better be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined by too confident security."
-Edmund Burke
Burke is considered the "father of conservatism" and his quotes resonate with me. Often I am chastised for having strong opinions and many conservatives are chastised in this day for "fear mongering". And yet it was Edmund Burke who was one of the strongest proponents of the American Revolution; and freedom, who reminds us that to be despised is OKAY. I wonder if the American Revolution would work today? If the people of this nation existed in the 1700's in equal proportions to the numbers of the "new world" and old England; would the revolution have been won, and the even bigger question, would it even be fought?
I will no longer support a nation that kills it's babies in the name of "choice". I will no longer support government social programs like public education and welfare and medical (in this state) as long as they exist to enable the lazy and reward those who learn the "system" and then live by it. Especially when that system is one that promotes socialism and humanist principles. I will no longer live to promote the false security created by "the greatest nation on Earth" when we give ourselves freely to foreign powers.
The Union Tribune had an editorial article on the Republican Party and this was the catch phrase, "Unless the Republican Party ends its self-imposed captivity to social fundamentalists, it will spend a long time in the political wilderness." So here we are. The democrats today are not the democrats of the 50's people. The liberal compromise of the Democrats was won them a seat in power, but the answer is not a watering down of values and morals and a reducing to another common denominator lower; the answer is vision.
We need a leader who can unify the country and build on freedom and history. The tradition of this country is strong, but it has been hijacked by a minority of people who have prostituted our values, morals, trade, and law. We need a leader who will stand on innovation and AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE. We need a leader who promotes personal responsibility for actions and requires accountability from elected and appointed officials. We need a leader who will promote prosperity through deregulation and free trade among Americans, lowering taxes and reducing the bureaucracy that our government has become.
I'm done with what America has become; we need change, but not to shirk the past, to embrace it. Where are the Edmund Burke's? The George Washington's? The Thomas Paine's? The John Adam's?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
The day before yesterday became this morning
My thoughts are silenced. My words are not enough. I cannot illicit the type of emotion from my readers that must come for words to come to life. When reading, there is no inflection in these words, no way to tell what my intention behind them is. The difference between a good writer and a great one is the ability to draw emotion out from the reader. Without ever meeting you these words should grip your attention like a satin vice, gently caressing your attention while holding your intrigue like a bulldog. There should be an intertwined interchange of ideas as you read what is written and process it in your wit and intelligence. But I am not capable. These words are found dripping like molasses in February; boring and flaccid. How sad a day that i cannot write with the passion and persistence that I once could. And yet... it doesn't matter does it? Who reads this? I do. It is therapy. It always has been.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thoughts:
Right now my thoughts are so jumbled. I'm writing this, but it is sort of a desperate attempt at just journaling anything. I feel like my brain is just in a haze, like a fuzzy membrane clouding any reason and judgment. I broke up with my girlfriend on Friday. I believe it was the right thing to do, the relationship was wrong for reasons I don't want to say for the sake of both our reputations; but I miss her. The truth is I could have fought through it and made it work; lightened up on issues I care so deeply about, and taken a harder stand on the moral issues that truly are important. But the reality is that I didn't want to with her, it just didn't "feel" right. Does that even make sense? Now I feel like I let her down, I let my family down, I let my friends down. I'm surrounded by disappointment and dismay. I get the same response: "you're not getting any younger". I want to punch them in the face. I'm 27. Geeze. Maybe I wait till I'm 35 to get married. Good Lord, there are worse things in life, am I the only one who thinks that? Is that selfish? I don't care.
So now I am wondering, am I trusting the Lord? Do I even know how to do that anymore? I have a mountain of debt that I hate. A pile of unaccomplished goals. Another pile of accomplished goals. A pit I keep throwing dreams into (storage for better days). A list of wants and desires that may or may not be what God wants for me. And while I'm not aimless, I feel listless. I working to finish a Master's degree. I'm going to be in business and make enough money to get out of debt and support a family, and eventually do missions work full time. But maybe my eventually is when I'm 42. Will someone please be proud of that? Will someone please care about that? Will someone please value me based on who I am and what God is doing through me, not based on my ability to pick a "winner". Not my desire (or lack of) to start a family?
So what? I'm working. Paying my bills. Going to school. Life is amazing, even if I feel like my head is in a fishbowl. Did I do the right thing in breaking up with a girl who wanted to be with me? Yes I did. Do I believe God has the "One" out there for me? I don't know. Do I believe God is faithful? I think so. But I like to think i am learning more and more each day. So even if I think I believe today, tomorrow will be another opportunity to believe and trust and learn. Leaning not on my understanding, and trusting in the Lord.
So now I am wondering, am I trusting the Lord? Do I even know how to do that anymore? I have a mountain of debt that I hate. A pile of unaccomplished goals. Another pile of accomplished goals. A pit I keep throwing dreams into (storage for better days). A list of wants and desires that may or may not be what God wants for me. And while I'm not aimless, I feel listless. I working to finish a Master's degree. I'm going to be in business and make enough money to get out of debt and support a family, and eventually do missions work full time. But maybe my eventually is when I'm 42. Will someone please be proud of that? Will someone please care about that? Will someone please value me based on who I am and what God is doing through me, not based on my ability to pick a "winner". Not my desire (or lack of) to start a family?
So what? I'm working. Paying my bills. Going to school. Life is amazing, even if I feel like my head is in a fishbowl. Did I do the right thing in breaking up with a girl who wanted to be with me? Yes I did. Do I believe God has the "One" out there for me? I don't know. Do I believe God is faithful? I think so. But I like to think i am learning more and more each day. So even if I think I believe today, tomorrow will be another opportunity to believe and trust and learn. Leaning not on my understanding, and trusting in the Lord.
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