Today...

I feel weird. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, the lack of food, or the combination of both, but I feel off. Last night the prayer meeting was very good. Our old friend George spoke, and he spoke of justice, the Justice God brings. He spoke against Roe V. Wade and the murder of millions of babies since January 22, 1973. He spoke out against the supreme court judges who, from the bench, make laws- not interpret the law as they were directed to do.
I could not help but say thank you to the Lord for NOT being aborted. Think about it, you may well not be here if your mother had chosen to kill you while you were still forming in her belly. My own mother must have contemplated the difficulty of trying to raise me alone and I am sure that she had considered how much easier it would have been if she just made that ball of flesh disappear. How much easier would her life had been if I wasn't there to hold her back. How much easier would college have been for a young single mother if she didn't have to lug this baby around on her hip. How much easier would it have been to simply make that problem disappear. I for one am glad that I wasn't made to disappear. I for one am glad that MY mother gave me life.
Think for one moment about the MILLIONS who started life JUST LIKE YOU, but they were not given the chance for life. Of course those millions that have been aborted were just balls of flesh right? Just DNA balled up in a womb? At what point does DNA flesh turn into a human in your eyes? When you can measure a heartbeat? When brain waves can be detected? When the hands can be seen? After only ONE month all organs are distinct in the embryo of our children. After 2 months fingers are present, after 3 months our children have their own unique fingerprints. So at what point do embryos become babies?
Then a gentleman name Eddie spoke (actually he spoke before George did), and this one really touched my heart because he was full of zeal and passion. He goes to school at UCSD, and has for four years. He stood and spoke with passion and conviction. I wanted to go ask him, how do you hold on to your zeal? How does the conviction that you speak with stay with you?
I feel like I used to speak with that sort of conviction. I used to feel the fire of God burning in my heart and, while I know God is still there, I don't feel that same burning conviction. Of course I know the answer. I know why the fire doesn't burn quite so hot. It's because of compromise in my life. I have allowed my eyes to witness things that have dampened my spirit. I have sinned and that has grieved the Holy Spirit.
Lord, send your fire on my heart and breath new life into me. I want to burn with holy fire and you are the only one who can give it to me. I want to see the world like you see the world, and only your eyes will do Father. Today is your day. This country is yours and I cry out Father for your touch. I pray for more that religious zeal, I pray for a Moses encounter Lord! You have brought me this far, you have protected me and saved me from myself and the world. Please now reveal yourself to me I pray. I love you God. More of you.

The other side...

Learning to see life from another perspective is HARD! I find that I am utterly incapable of seeing life from someone else's eyes. Lord help me! The big question is, even if I can see and truly understand someone else's perspective, what happens when their perspective on life is wrong? What if their experiences and choices have led them to a world-view that is anti-biblical? How do i respond? How do I act? Do I say anything?

Jesus said this in Matthew 5:43-48:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

So I love those who hate me, how much more will I love those I disagree with? Let's define love:

1. "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
   
2. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
3. To have an intense emotional attachment to: loves his house.
4. To embrace or caress.
5. To have sexual intercourse with."

Love is more than an ineffable 'feeling' isn't it? Cannot love be expressed in terms of commitment, loyalty and actions? Love is often expressed by parents when they spank their children for doing something that will harm them, isn't it? Love is not blindly accepting another's beliefs and philosophies. Love is not allowing people to do whatever they want. If you have a deep, tender feeling of affection, you truly want what is best for the person you love, not ehri own opinions. And the same is true vis-a-versa. If I am truly loved, I expect those who love me to give me their input and express their concern for me and any areas of my life that may be harmful to myself or others.

Fasting:

Fast (according to the Blue Letter Bible):
To abstain as a religious exercise from food and drink: either entirely, if the fast lasted but a single day, or from customary and choice nourishment, if it continued several days.

I have an idea of what a fast looks like. so this morning I did a little research, just a very little bit and this is one tidbit of what I found:

Isaiah 58:5-12

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, My idea of a fast: Humility.
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast, God’s challenge!!
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice God’s Idea of a fast: Humility and service!!
and untie the cords of the yoke, Loose the chains of injustice
to set the oppressed free Set the oppressed free
and break every yoke? Break every yoke!

Is it not to share your food with the hungry Share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— Provide shelter for the homeless
when you see the naked, to clothe him, Clothe the naked
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, IF you fast as is required (see verses
and your healing will quickly appear; above)… THEN etc etc…
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; Again, the Lord answers IF the fast is lived
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. from the heart as required.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry If you SPEND yourself on behalf of the
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, hungry and oppressed, THEN…
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always; God will do this IF we live the fast…
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins We will do this IF we live the fast…
and will raise up the age-old foundations; REVIVAL!!
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

I spend about $15 per day in food costs, in theory I could give $105 to the poor in this one week. I spend about 1.5 hours per day eating. In theory I could spend about 10.5 hours with the homeless this week. Hum... Fasting is kind of a big deal.

So... I deleted my space, and you know what that means:

I need somewhere to write! So here I am. I had this nifty journal that i was writing in, but it's been put on the shelf until my special someone gives it back to me. Until then, it's the world wide web (who calls it that anymore?!) for me. So my heart is excited today. Joined with hundreds of thousands of believers in my state we pray and fast and cry out on behalf of our country and state. But I think the most exciting thing for me is what is happening in my heart. I found a document at the call website about purity; I was convicted (Click Here for the Call).
I feel convicted because my heart is not pure, not like Jesus requires anyway. I know there is no way to be perfect, that's the reason Jesus came in the first place, but my desire is to live a sinless life, wholly dedicated to the Lord and totally sold out for the Kingdom. But I haven't been as diligent as I know I should be. I am convicted to live a life that I haven't been living. Is it too late? Can I live the life I should and want to? What about now? How about today?
Life has been easy for me. My parents have worked hard and they have provided for nearly every need. The only hardship (nearly) has been self-inflicted and self-preserved. I don't need to enumerate the ways that i have shot myself in the foot, but here I am. I try very hard to work hard and be a good man. I try very hard to be faithful and loyal and true to the cause of Christ. The hard reality is that in all my trying and striving, I can't get the job done, and it is only by amazing grace (as we sing) that I am given access to the Father.
So now, I fast and pray with thousands of others, joined in one epic chorus to the Father; PLEASE HELP US!! We are desperate. We are tearing down the alters of our fathers. We are burning the idols of our generation. I am burning the bridges to anywhere away from you. Is it now? Should I be extreme? Should I be wild? Where are the men of the Bible? Where are the women of Acts? Why don't we see healing and miracles? My Father please speak to me, I long to hear your voice and be captivated by you once again.
What alters have our fathers set up? To "security" in government entities and leaders. To money and wealth. Alters they have bowed down to worship their heritage and family linage. Alters of power and prestige. What idols have my generation worshiped? Fame and fortune. Beauty and hedonism. Sexuality has become our identity. Rebellion and independence have fueled our fires rather than humility and dependence on the Lord. God forgive us.
Help me stand strong and live by the boundaries YOU set for me. Help me to be a man and lead with integrity and honor. Help me God to serve you because I love you, not the approval of my peers. God I want to be honest and true, not just with my words, but with my thoughts and motivation as well.
Lord help me to build alters to you with the sacrifice of my life as the worship and incense that rises to your holy hill. God as we tear down the idols of our generation God help us to replace the vacuum with your creativity and blessing. As the idols of Hollywood are TORN DOWN, I pray for the broken lives and lost souls who NEED your touch Jesus. Lord as I am humbled under your hand, help me to sin no more and live as your son lived. Thanks. Jesus Thank you. Your will be done in my life. Your will be done in my city. Your will be done in my friends. Your Will.

New...

New seasons bring new blogs. I used to journal entirely via paperback journals, now it's more like 90% blogs and 10% paper. I share most of my life with anyone who will choose to read, although I reserve my most intimate concerns and thoughts for my paper journal. So my life has changed a bit recently in 2 major ways: 1st, I have a girlfriend and 2nd, I changed positions at work. So now I have to learn to be 'coupled' which is weird a little for me, I have been single for so long, i have to remember how to be 'with' someone. But it's a good thing :-) At work the change of position is in one way excellent because the stress level went down about 99%, but I also can't help but feel a little defeated, especially because I have been here for an entire year and this is really a downward move for me. But It is new opportunity to grow!!!