Christmas:

This Christmas was a challenge in more ways than one. First, my family is significantly different than I, primarily in the content of their thoughts. The way we think is similar- but not what we think about. Which makes for some challenging situations- like being around so many "niggers" and having someone look at you the wrong way merits a fight- trivial silliness. Second, DeRidder Louisiana is a tiny town where everything is closed by 9, except the small bar (which was just opened 8 months ago and is the hottest thing in town) which closes at midnight. Thirdly, my grandparents are in their 80's and my PawPaw, who I idolize, the once purple heart/silver star awarded marine who killed people and smiled about it and judo champion who could kick anyone's ass, is getting old. How sad it is for such a man to be debased into such childishness. It is the way life works, and he is still more man than 99% of the people I know. It just makes me sad. Fourthly, I was reading a lot and writing a ton and I was dealing with my own sinfulness and lack of connection with God. Fifthly, I was thinking heavily on the things I had accomplished or not accomplished at 27 and trying to develop a solid plan on how to get where I need to and want to be. I'm behind and I'm not sure when I'll catch up. Let me just tell you that the woman who can steal my heart will have to be pretty damn tough.

I am very seriously thinking of becoming catholic. But don't tell my protestant friends, they'll think I've lost it. And don't tell my family, they'll think I'm doing it to impress my heroic PawPaw. Truth be told, I think there is a lot of value to repeating prayers and saying the Rosary. The Spiritual disciplines of Augustine and Ignatius are to be commended, but in the protestant world we seem to shy away from the past and look only to the future. While there must be an important balance, the dessert fathers have a lot to teach us and we do a disservice to our selves and our posterity by rejecting their teachings.

I need to write more. Not that I think I am any good at it, but it helps me to clear my head. I think I wrote 25 pages in my journal by hand! It's been years since I wrote that much by hand. I spoke with an old friend who is living in DC and working in the political realm, and I am jealous. When i am done with my MA, I do think I will move out there and do something similar. But for the next year (assuming he likes what i have to give him) i am going to write for the company he edits for; to learn and grow in my abilities as a writer and commentator on our current cultural and economic state.

Happy new year people. Have fun and be safe.